Cookie Monster would give a hell of a BJ

I went out for lunch with my coworkers the other day and one of them confirmed something I have suspected for quite sometime. Fat people....I mean REALLY fat people, like "your sofa will never be the same" fat people don't eat much in front of other people. This one lady in my office who we keep in a cubicle because no office will hold her, we just stack a bunch of room dividers around her like a UFC ring....she comes in every morning and its like Jurassic Park...my water glass starts shaking and I know Sharon has entered the building.

So everyone is ordering their lunches and Sharon just wants a salad?!?!?! Yes, because lettuce made her the size of a Parade Float. I've noticed this with other fat people too, not me of course because I have no shame, I order a large whatever and use a pork chop as my napkin.......but others seem to want to pretend like they have no idea why their arms hang down like table cloth's.

So Sharon eats half her lunch and pretends to be full. I see the lust in her eyes as she stares longingly at the half eaten Souvlaki on my plate. She says, "I keep light snacks in my purse in case I get hungry, like raisins and celery sticks".....Yeah, and a foot long fucking Hoagie.....who does she think she's bullshitting? I want to tell her come on lady, you look like you use a snickers bar as your toothpick.

She’s got these big meaty sausage finger hands and all I’m thinking is damn Id like to get a hand job from her. I bet it'd be like getting jerked off by a couple of throw pillows. I bet she'd give head like the cookie monster.

Not that I think the cookie monster gives head, I just mean the visual...the whole...."UMMM nuymmm nummm" that kind of thing. Of course the likelihood that the cookie monster would give head has probably tripled now that he's a vegetarian. Why on earth would they make cookie monster a vegetarian anyway? He’s a big blue blob of shit that eats like a fucking pig......so he’s supposed to be a role model for our kids? Maybe instead they should have given him some fucking table manners. He eats like a rapist fucks.

Shouldn’t we make changes to other sesame street characters? How about the obvious Ernie and Bert......talk about sexual tension...."Hey Ernie have you seen my rubber ducky"...."ummm no Bert but here, just use my cock". They should let those two fuck all ready or get Ernie his own place. I also think they should change the way big bird sleeps......he looks like he's blowing himself. I don’t think that’s appropriate plus I’m envious.

Oscar the grouch? Come on,,, they don’t change this guy? What are we trying to teach our kids that is perfectly ok to talk to some homeless crack head that pisses all over everyone in the neighborhood. He lives in a garbage can and plays with worms....you telling me he's not a crack head. You can bet he’s got a few meth pipes in that can of his. Get him on welfare and into a job search program, or move him in with Ernie and Bert......in a blowjobs for crack exchange program.

Elmo......please some one just feed that annoying little pussy to Mr. Snuffleupagus already. I miss Grover. Grover used to be the man until Elmo showed up. If I was Grover Id hire Oscar the smack head to take out Elmo. He could chop up the body into tiny little pieces for the count to inventory.

I don’t even know how I got on the subject of Sesame street? I just started typing and all this came out. I had a point I think but I lost it somewhere between cookie monster blowjobs and Oscar the smack head. Fuck it I’m going for lunch, I have a buffet line to rape.