I knew math class would come in handy

They say that men have so much more to gain from the institution of marriage than women do. They, of course being my wife and mother-in-law. I am sure this is based on years of long-term quantitative, scientific research or by watching old episodes of The Newlywed Game. It has to be old episodes too, I don’t care who texted who first on the new series I want the old series, if there aren’t answers like, “In the Ass”, then I want no part of it. Either way I’m disputing the evidence, I have to…my penis is making me be a man, he’s angry at me for watching The Notebook and crying. This argument that women gain less is based on really two arguments. Sex and housecleaning. I’m going to pick apart both arguments. The first states that generally speaking in relationships women end up being responsible for the majority of housework. I agree this is of some benefit to us guys but are we really gaining anything? If my wife does 80% of the housework and I do 20%....does that mean I’m gaining that 80%? Some would say quite obviously the answer is yes but I ask those people have you visited a bachelor pad? Because I will guarantee you that those guys are still only doing 20% of the housework around their apartment!!! When they were single that lady is doing 100% of her cleaning and the guy is sniffing his jeans to see if they can make it through another day. I’ve walked into my single friends apartments, no scratch that…I have waded through seas of pizza boxes, beer cans and the occasional used prophylactic….these guys don’t clean up until the pizza boxes crawl into the trash on their own. The refrigerator has 3 beers a few frozen pizza pops and maybe a carton of egg nog….which is a problem since its August. Single ladies will do things like, dusting, vacuuming and flushing the toilet…..these concepts are foreign to the single male! Odds are he doesn’t even own a vacuum; he just does his best to get rid of “the big chunks”. Which is similar to his concept of when to flush the toilet. The other argument is that we gain more because of sex. Lets face it when it comes to sex you ladies do have the power, you are the gatekeepers and our entire reason for being is to stick our cock in to something that won’t electrocute us…….yes it was a hard lesson but I will never fuck a light socket again!!! I can’t speak for other married men but in my own case I have been with my wife for 15 years. In those 15 years we have gone through 4 pregnancies. Each pregnancy lasting 9 months. Now I’m a big fan of “first trimester” sex. For one thing, you can’t get her pregnant twice? And I don’t believe embryo’s are people so I have no problem unleashing the cock puke and making them look like a chicken McNugget ready for the deep fryer. But once those little things start sprouting ears and eyes I am not going near that vagina. I know I wouldn’t want to have a memory of my fathers cock smacking me in the forehead or god forbid I’m a breech baby!!!!!!! So that means that’s some out of order pussy for 6 months out of each pregnancy. That’s 2 years for those of you keeping score. In that 15 years my wife also likes to sometimes sleep. 8 hours a day on average…that’s a third of our relationship out the window. Another 5 years out of order!!!! If my cock suddenly turned into old faithful and shot blood for a week out of every month I’m sure you ladies would not want to visit. That’s 12 weeks a year……180 weeks for me…that’s Damn near 3 and ½ years of PMS. Are you still counting…..that’s 10 & ½ yrs of some Out of Order vagina. We fight a fair amount in my relationship, in fact with all that no fucking going on Id say we spend a good 10% of our relationship pissed off at each other. That’s another year and a half. Do you ladies use the washroom? My wife does too…..and what the fuck do you need a whole hour in there for? I’m in and out in 5 minutes flat…..and that includes having showered, shaved and shit…….all at once but that’s beside the point. My wife is in that washroom an average of an hour a day…..that’s 365 hours a year, 364 on a leap year. That’s 15 days a year! That’s another 8 months. Add in about 4 months of headaches and a solid year of “im just not in the mood” and that’s 14 of 15 years with an out of order vagina. And by the way we don’t need you ladies to be “in the mood”; we just need you to be agreeable and perhaps not say anything for the next couple minutes. So I get 1 year of available vagina and the truth is my dicks only good for about 10 minutes of fucking a day. Once he’s done he’s like he went 12 rounds with Mike Tyson, he’s not moving for the next 23 hours and 50 minutes. So I’ve probably only got to do about 2 and ½ days of fucking since entering into this relationship and I could have had more than that just by spending a week in prison. At least my cell mate wouldn’t bitch at me for not flushing the toilet!