I had a friend named BJ, I was 6 so I didn't know it was funny.

When I was a child money did not mean a whole lot to me. On the school ground we traded in marbles and hockey cards. Those were our currency, nothing else really mattered. And back then of course we believed everyone felt the same way and were shocked when we discovered this wasn’t the case. This was a hard lesson for me to learn. I could not believe my teacher would not change the grade on my science project for a Dale Hawerchuk Rookie card and three of my best marbles. The look she gave me was bad but it was nothing compared to the look I got for offering Sally Thomas a Paul Coffey Rookie card to let me stick my cock in her, of course we were in the 10th grade by then. I suppose it was time for me to adopt actual money as my currency of choice. Money worked out quite well for me for some time, when I could actually get some of it that is. Now several years later I find my self realizing that in relationships money is no longer the most valuable commodity, blow jobs are. “Hey honey can you drive my parents home after the party tonight”……”sure thing but you know what it’s going to cost….and you already owe me two so that’ll be three I got banked”. I like to save mine for a rainy day, or in case I have nothing else for the church collection plate. “No sorry I don’t have any money for the United Way but I’ll tell you what…..hey honey….give him one of my bj’s”. It’s no wonder I get every canvasser in the city knocking on my door, and some from other cities too. What I really want to talk about though is a bad blow job experience I had the other day. So this is new territory for me. It would be like bumping into Bigfoot at wal-mart, and if Bigfoot shopped anywhere you know it would be at wal-mart. I didn’t even know bad blowjobs existed. I didn’t believe in them anymore than that Sasquatch in house wares. Now it’s not that it was really bad, I mean there was no far out change in technique it’s just that I was not at all in the mood, I was exhausted and just ready to sleep. Far be it from me to turn down a bedtime bj, in my house bj’s are like Bigfoot you see them so rarely you begin to believe they don’t actually exist. So I graciously accepted the offer and as I’m laying there I realize I’m really not into this at all tonight. I know if I said “you know what honey, I’m just not feeling it tonight”, then pulled my prick out of her mouth, rolled over and went the sleep…….the only thing going in her mouth for the rest of her life is food and a toothbrush, ok maybe the occasional delivery man too. But certainly not me, there’s an expectation that we guys are always ready to go, which is pretty much true but god forbid you find yourself in a situation where your not because she is going to talk it personally. I don’t know maybe she should too, I mean I cannot imagine how I’d feel if a woman were on top and suddenly jumped off saying “no thanks, this just isn’t working”. So I know there’s no escape I just have to go with it. Now as a man you need to understand this is a whole new phenomenon for me, you ladies I know can understand me on this one. You ladies have some complicated machinery down there; it’s easier to master a Rubik’s cube than a vagina. I’m sure you ladies have all had to lay there pretending to have a good time while thinking what the hell is this guy doing. Don’t blame us though it’s your pussys fault, like I said it’s complicated. We need to have the right rhythm, pressure, temperature, footware.....we have to be hitting the right spot at the right time, the right way with the sun and moon in the proper alignment and maybe our other hand has to be jack hammering you at 40 miles a clip. Lets face it you ladies have it easy. The penis just hangs there……out in the open…accessible. You ever try to eat a meal while your face is mashed up against the plate, licking at every last crumb? A little off subject here but I bet homeless men would give women great head. #1 they don’t care what the hell they’re eating and #2 I’m sure they’re all about licking their plates clean. Any way back on topic….so you know what I’m talking about, you’ve all been there just waiting for it to be over so you can tell us how amazing we are, the best ever in fact!!! At least you can end it, you have that option you can just fake it. If I wanna fake it I’m going to have to let some urine fly and I’m thinking she might catch on. So I’m laying there and I’m thinking “what the fuck is wrong with me”? I mean, I’m a guy there’s no complicated machinery down there. You grab it, twist it a bit, maybe spit on it a little, yell at it whatever, guys are easy. I think if you just took it out and starred at it we’d cum. Like your doing some kind of Jedi mind trick or something. I wonder if Jedi’s ever use the force to whack off? If I had the force I’d use it all the time, Id have to walk around wearing plastic underwear. I’d get nasty with myself….Id use the dark side. Think about it though even in the movies they were giving us clues. In Empire Strikes back Luke’s hand gets cut off right? And it wasn’t until after that happened that he learned to master the force. Yoda couldn’t teach him shit but as soon as he loses his hand…..yeah baby now he has a reason to practice. Damn I’m off topic again. Oh yeah by the way I still have those rookie cards, if anyone would like to trade.