Everything you always wanted to know about sex

My son Dylan was 2 years old when my wife became pregnant with our youngest. It took quite awhile to convince him that there was a baby in mommy’s stomach but eventually we talked him into it. The problem then was trying to convince him that there wasn’t a baby in mine. At least he didn’t run around telling people” mommy has a baby in her belly….and daddy has two in his”. I think we’ve done a pretty good job of preparing our kids for the birds and the bees talk. I think it’s important that kids have some information about sex. So we at one point sit them all down and explain that mommy birds and daddy birds sometimes fuck like horny gay squirrels and the daddy birds don’t pull out soon enough and so 9 months later a baby comes. Ok so we clean the language up a bit, especially when explaining that some bees make honey and some bees get it squirted in their face. In all seriousness I do feel that sex education is important. We actually got a warning letter the other day from the school asking that we sign consent for our daughter to learn about this stuff. I kind of figure better she learns about it in a controlled environment then from some neighborhood kid who wants to play doctor. Are people really still against sex education classes though? I thought we were kind of over that whole….”oh no if they learn about it then they’ll be having little grade 5 orgies” mindset. I was really kind of shocked to get the letter because it really is such a non-issue to me. My daughters were in the delivery room when they’re little brothers were born. We had prepped them to know exactly what to expect and even watched some videos of other babies being born. Some people even within our own family were against it but those people just were a little apprehensive because they’re stupid. I cannot stress enough the importance of sex education. Especially when you consider the potential traumatizing effect of a young mans first wet dream! See I don’t even remember mine. I suppose I must have slept through it and when I woke up I didn’t even know it had happened. I’m quite thankful too that I didn’t notice it; if I did I wouldn’t have known what was going on. My parents never talked to me about the birds and the bees, I would have thought my dick was melting. Plus I was Catholic so I would have really felt guilty. I mean to Catholics that sperm is sacred; they don’t use condoms or any birth control for that matter. I’m sure even pulling out will get you a few hail Mary’s at confession. This is because every single sperm is considered potential life….and there’s like 180 million sperm in each orgasm!!! Do you have any idea what kind of responsibility this puts on us teenage catholic boys? Every time I jerked off all over myself it was like committing a Catholic Holocaust. Can you imagine carrying around that kind of guilt several times a day through your teens? 180 million sperm!!! What does that tell us by the way about men and women that women only need 1 egg to create life and us men need 180 million sperm!?!?! I guess it’s like hunting with an UZI….you shoot off enough rounds and you’re bound to hit something. Damn I’m off track again…..it’s all this masturbation talk…it tends to cause my mind (and hands) to wander. So any way we signed the form and in the comments section my only request was that they not get into topics like Donkey Punches, and Dirty Sanchez’s. I’m thinking I probably don’t need to worry about that though….at least not until high school