Home Sweet Sidewalk

There are a lot of homeless people in Los Angeles. I saw more boxes on the streets downtown then I did when I worked in the shipping department at Costco. It made me wonder if homeless people get envious of their neighbors for having a bigger and better box. I also saw a guy who was living in a tent and many who weren’t lucky enough to have a box and just pulled up a chunk of concrete and settled in for the night. Of course business owners don’t appreciate having all these homeless people landmines spread out on the sidewalk in front of their door and so eventually the police will come around and tell them to move along. Being homeless they have nowhere else to go and so move along means go around the corner until we find you again, rinse and repeat. It’s almost like the homeless people and cops play an all night game of hide and go seek.

I think there must be a better solution. I’m thinking we should institute a program where everyone can own a homeless person. They sleep in boxes so you wouldn’t even need to have them in your house. Just put a big box on the corner of your yard, with a little bowl out front for food and water. Most homeless people aren’t really lazy they’re just drug addicted and/or insane but where else are you going to find someone who will not only wash all your windows and mow your lawn for a piece of crack cocaine but who will also entertain your friends with stories of witnessing the birth of Christ? I think I’m on to something here. You could even buy them and give them away as gifts, Id love to give one to my neighbor who I think has an unhealthy fear of mowing his lawn. It would be a kick ass recycling system too…..just toss all your trash out and anything your homeless person can’t use or eat will be sold for more crack.

I have to restrain myself from getting on this soapbox; it’s not an easy task. There are certainly better solutions than mine…although they probably aren’t as much fun. In all seriousness though I think the money is there but the will is not. Most people equate homelessness with laziness and are therefore reluctant to spend money trying to help these people. Some one made millions producing videos of homeless people fighting and throwing themselves into walls; I can’t help but think this is cruel entertainment. Some of the most vulnerable members of society being exploited in that way…..I suppose next we’ll have mental retardation porn? Actually that sounds kind of hot……you know what Id love to see instead of bumfights why not white-collar wrestling? Wouldn’t you love to watch a couple accountants and your local politician’s body slamming each other? Just the thought of an accountant trying to throw a punch is enough to induce gales of laughter from me.