Pregnant girls need love too

If you have sex while you are pregnant it will kill the baby. Please repeat…..if you have sex while you are pregnant it WILL kill the baby. This is the message I want to get out into the world because I do NOT want to have sex with my pregnant wife. I’m afraid of her vagina for the next few months, its like her vagina is Dr. Jekyl and Mr Hyde…….before pregnancy it was dashing and debonair, now it’s a monster that spits blood and smells like death. Dr. Jekyl’s hair is neatly trimmed and well kempt…… Mr. Hyde’s is like a jungle…..who knows what the fuck is living in there…..you wouldn’t stick your dick into a death smelling blood spitting jungle now would you?

I might be exaggerating a little….and lets be honest guys we WOULD stick our dicks into a death smelling blood spitting jungle right? As long as no one was looking. I do have sex with my pregnant wife I just tell everyone I don’t…she’s become the little nerdy asian kid that no one wants to play with, unless no one else is around…..”Hey you’re playing with Changlee?” “NO!!!.....I was just pretending to”…and then you call him a dumb chink and run away with the other kids laughing….that’s my wife now. Except it’s worse because now your fucking Changlee.

I feel bad about it though and I promise I’ll make it up to the baby…..whenever he wants to borrow the car…no problem…..hey go right ahead son it’s only fair for all that cumming I did on you. Labor was hard on mom…you came out as a plaster cast of a baby…..we had to chip you out to cut the cord.

It’s not the biggest turn on either when she’s standing there….big fat fucking gut just hanging…..my cock is envious of her belly button….and then I look at myself and figure I kind of owe her…….but then I gotta try to keep my hardon while she’s slipping off a maxi pad that looks like a kickboxer could practice with…….then she gets on top and Im closing my eyes thinking…..there is no god!!!!......and for some reason she’s fucking aggressive now…..all those crazy hormones got her jacked up like a UFC fighter…..she’s pounding me into the mattress, howling at the moon, has me in the rape choke and her nipples are leaking all over me…. I’m underneath flailing around trying to tap out……I’m trying to buck her off and she thinks she’s in a rodeo…….then she makes it even better by saying real sexy turn on things like….”oooow did you feel the baby kick”….”Fuck yeah I did….he’s trying to tap out too!!!!”

You really think he doesn’t know what’s going on….he’s in there like Neo in the matrix trying to dodge my cock. Poor kid’s first image is dad’s helmet. No wonder they come out crying. Imagine how you’d feel if a couple times a week your dad ran into your room and starting waving his cock around trying to smack you with it…..while your mom just sat there? After about 8 months of this the baby gets sick of it and says "fuck this shit Im flipping over"……except those breach baby’s....those are the ones who grow up and write poems in coffee shops.

My wife actually told me the other day that she read online it’s safe to have sex through the entire pregnancy. I told her I read online that blowjobs promote weight loss…..she told me that’s bullshit…I said oh yeah…..suck my dick and try to eat a hamburger…..but then she did…..so I lost that one.

I think what she read is bullshit….everyone knows having sex while pregnant WILL kill the baby. And it’s irresponsible to say otherwise….fuck it….lets face it…even if it did kill the baby we’d still be asking to put the tip in. Come on baby just the tip… it’ll be like bouncing on trampoline. A blood spitting jungle of death trampoline.